Those who keep their ear to the ground should know that Alien Tango, the second book in the Katherine (Kitty) Katt series by Gini Koch is all about the gators! But who are these gators exactly and what makes them tick?
Time for me to head over to the swamps and have a talk with the heroes (in my opinion) of Alien Tango: Gigantagator and Alliflash!
G: Thanks, Sullivan. It’s nice that someone knows who really made “Alien Tango” what it is today.
A: Hey, Sully, my pig! The Creator says you’re her favorite pig in the world, so we shouldn’t eat you. Or chase you.
S: Guys, thanks for granting me an interview and even more for not eating me. Let me dive right into my questions:
You had quite the adventure. Can you tell me how it all started?
A: These three guys burst through a wall of the Kennedy Space Center, where we live. A wall! Humans…you really never know what crazy thing they’ll do next.
G: Actually, as I understand it, they were aliens, A-Cs, to be exact.
A: Whatever. So, they run like cheetahs and splash themselves right into our lake. Took weeks to get the taste out of the water. You have any idea what it does to an alligator lake when you toss fresh meat into it, especially when the meat doesn’t get eaten?
G: I’m sure Sullivan doesn’t. It makes us want to feed, only there’s nothing to feed on. Cranky alligators, that’s what it makes.
*Sullivan takes a step away from the water’s edge*
G: Anyway, the smallest one looked around, pointed to me, and shouted, “That one’s huge. You two get to deal with it.”
A: Then the same guy grabbed me in a chokehold and dragged me out of the water and into the building.
G: The other two, who were big and far stronger than I’m used to having to deal with, grabbed me, the bigger one around the neck and the slightly smaller one around the hindquarters. Then I was kidnapped as well and taken into the building.
A certain someone named ACE is taking credit for some of your heroic actions: what are your thoughts on that?
G: Well, I can promise you someone was preventing us from eating.
A: Though I have to admit that when we got tossed into that room with all the people in it, the chaos was pretty fun.
G: You were barely there. You took off after that lone human.
A: She was fast! I almost got her a few times, but those same guys who grabbed us in the lake stopped me.
G: The car chase was fun.
A: Yeah. It was kind of cool to act like we were protecting the people and that ridiculous car of theirs, when really we just wanted all the chow for ourselves. Running that fast that far works up an appetite.
G: I’ll grant you that. I still wake up nights thinking I’m chewing on one of their legs and it turns out to be a log.
A: Good times…good times…
Did your adventures change anything for you? Do the other gators look differently at you now?
A: I have to admit, we’re kind of famous now. There’s a lot of females trying to become our mates. But it’s not ‘cause I’m the fastest or G’s the biggest. It’s ‘cause of our fame.
G: I’ve been top gator for a while now, so I’m used to some of it. But the photographers are the worst.
A: Yeah. They always wait until you have a raw chicken stuck in your teeth and then *bam!* they snap you looking like you’re this mindless eating machine. Sharks we are not.
G: And once you catch them, getting the camera straps off so you don’t swallow them makes for a slow, careful meal. At least, slow as far as we’re concerned.
Gators and Crocodiles get a lot of bad press. Why is that you think?
G: Fear. Plain and simple. It’s not like we ask you to come molest us in our lakes and rivers. You just do. And then you’re shocked when we look at you and go, “Hey, look, dinner’s been delivered.”
A: I’m with G. If you knew us, you’d love us. We’re cool, and we’ve been around the planet a long, long time.
S: I can relate to that, pigs have similar problems. A cousin of mine complains about humans disturbing him and his family when they’re looking for some nice acorns in the woods as well. He’s mostly a vegetarian, but when you got the tusks and a strange human tries to cuddle your kid, what’s a boar to do?
G. With you there, my friend. They steal our babies and then act surprised when we do our best to make sure they’ll never do it again? Humans. Can’t live with ‘em, can’t eat ‘em all. Trust me, I’ve tried.
A: And the less said about alligator skin anything, unless it’s on the actual ‘gator, the better.
G: And the only pigskin that should be in use is a football.
A: Gator high five! ‘Nuff said.
A famous reptilian is the crocodile that’s after Captain Hook. What is your opinion: Crazed man-eater or misunderstood hero?
A: Hero all the way! Captain Hook’s a lunatic madman.
G: A megalomaniac if I ever saw one. You’d think everyone would wise up to why Tick-Tock is trying to eat him and rid the world of yet another evil mastermind. Tock’s just trying to help the pixies and kids. And yet there he is, treated like he’s a villain.
A: He gets all the girls, though. You think we’re seeing action because of “Alien Tango”? We can’t touch T’s game. Dude just has to mention that he’d like a little company and the females go into a frenzy.
Talking about heroes: who are your personal heroes?
A: You mean besides Tock? G’s my hero, man. G’s the GATOR!
G: I’m blushing. I have to say, Al shows the others how it’s done. Supposedly a gator can only go fast over a short distance. My buddy here? He can keep it up for miles. No one’s got his speed. If things were fair, he’d be in the Olympics.
A: Other than G and Tock, I’d have to admit that I’ve got a soft spot for Drew Breeze. And Kurt Warner.
G: John Madden. All the way. Man’s worthy of being a gator.
A: Joe Montana, Joe Namath.
G: Vince Lombardi.
A: Excuse us…have to have a moment of silence.
G: Okay, go on Sully.
Ok, time to debunk or confirm some gator myths:
I’ve been told gators only have 4 different facial expressions. Is this true and if it is: how do you tell how another gator is feeling?
G: We only have 4 different expressions humans can spot. We have myriad for other gators. We know what we’re feeling and thinking.
A: Usually what any gator’s thinking at any given time is: I’m hungry; it’s nice and warm; how about a swim; wanna do the deed; why aren’t they running the ball; why aren’t they passing the ball; why is the ref blind; and look, stupid human alert. That’s your basics there. Of course, we can get into deeper thought and discussion than that.
G: We’re big on philosophy. Why are we here, why are humans so stupid that they think we’re logs, if I stashed food and cannot find it does that mean I never had the food to begin with…questions like that.
A: And why did the Saints lose to the Seahawks? THE SEAHAWKS?
G: Let it go, Al. There’s always next year.
A: The Falcons lost, too.
G: Really. Let it go. Sully doesn’t want to see you cry.
As we're talking about crying anyway: Alligator tears? What’s the word on that?
A: The usual human lies. We can cry. But usually only the female alligators do that. G and I only shed the manly gator tears when it’s something really tragic, like both the Saints and the Falcons not making it to the Super Bowl.
G: Well, I don’t think it diminishes a gator to admit he has a softer side. On the other hand, I’ve shed my share of fake ones. But sometimes you have to pull out all the stops to get the female. And, I have to admit, the Saints and the Falcons both not making it, combined with the Buccaneers not even having a shot…it was pretty wet in the swamplands, if you get my drift.
And now for some last personal questions:
Alliflash: Any chance you’ll be taking up long distance running or some other endurance sport?
A: We discussed it, but I don’t like the way, if you excel, someone’s always insinuating you’re juicing. I had some ‘gators who suggested I was on steroids to be able to chase that girl all over the Space Center. Not true, but things like that are hurtful, and I’m pretty happy as is, so, barring a really great endorsement deal, probably not turning it into more than something to do to pass the time.
Unless the Saints, Falcons or Bucs need me. Then I’m there, dude, I AM THERE!
Gigantagator: You pack quite a punch. Will we be seeing you in major league gator wrestling?
G: As I understand it, the UFC is looking to expand to Gator Class, and, if so, I’m assured that I’ll be in the octagon. I’ve asked to go against Brock Lesner and Frank Mir. Put together. Because I know I can take them.
And, of course, I’m with Al -- if my teams need me to suit up, I’m there for them. But I’m only interested in MMA or football. I mean, it’d be ridiculous to have a gator playing basketball. Gators got game, but we really can’t jump.
S: Well, that wraps it up. Thanks for your time and once again for not eating me. I hope this interview will help in giving you and the other gators some positive press as you sure deserve it.
G: Thanks, Sullivan. You’re a pig in a million.
A: That’s right, dude. You da PIG, Sully! DA PIG!
S: Gigantagator, I wish you good luck if you do head into UFC territory.
G: Team Gator. Remember the name.
S: Alliflash, don’t worry too much about the girl that got away, I’m sure there will be another that you do manage to catch.
A: There’s always another stupid human around to fall into the swamp, Sully, you’re right. Me, I’m just ready to manage G and Team Gator and let the logs fall where they may!
Haven't read Touched by an Alien and Alien Tango yet?
Better get to it, as both books are amazing and book three Alien in the Family will be released in April!