Friday, 4 July 2014

The H&W Investigations Gang Discusses Max Carlyle - Guest Post

We took a little break from celebrating the release of the newest H&W Investigations book Enslaved by the Others. But today we're back with a special guest post by Jess Haines!

We always love having Jess drop by, especially when she discusses zombies or Royce. And today there's mention of both of them!

Welcome to Pearls Cast Before A McPig, Jess!

The H&W Investigations Gang Discusses Max Carlyle 
By Jess Haines

Hello there!  Jess Haines here.  I’m the author of the H&W Investigations series—urban fantasy novels about Shiarra Waynest, a human private investigator in an alternate, present-day New York. Somehow she keeps getting pulled into supernatural troubles way above her pay grade…

This time, she’s here with some friends to tell you about what it was like to be captured by a vampire slave trader and how she’s coping with the aftermath. Take it away, Shia!


Shiarra: It’s official. Every day is now the worst day of my life.

Arnold: Like that dude in Office Space.

Sara: You’re not the only one with problems.

Gideon: Tell me about it.

Royce: Somehow I am finding it difficult to garner any sympathy for you.

Gideon: Why? Because I’m sexier than you?

Royce: Hardly.

Shiarra: I vote the necromancer off the island. This is my interview.

Arnold: Second that.

Sara: Third.

Gideon: Hey, come on! It’s my story, too.

Shiarra: Give me a break. You killed some of my… well, not my friends, but people I sort of knew. Kind of.

Gideon: People who were out to kill me first, naturally.

Royce: I’m familiar with the general incompetence of White Hats. Killing them was unnecessary.

Gideon: Excuse me if I haven’t had much practice fending off crazy people hunting my ass.

Arnold: You’re not doing a very good job of making friends. Maybe if you tried laying off the zombie raising and vampire hunting you’d have better luck.

Shiarra: I’m not sure that would help. He’s a bigger smartass than I am, if you can believe it.

Sara: Not to mention we can never tell whose side he’s on. He changes allegiances like he changes clothes.

Gideon: I do not! …wait, yes I do. Never mind.

Sara: If you would stick to your guns about something and stop lying all the time, maybe you wouldn’t have so many people out to kill you.

Shiarra: Yeah. At least when people are out to kill me, it’s usually because I’m trying to stab them from the front.

Arnold: Usually.

Royce: I don’t know about that. For the most part, those who have made efforts to end you were doing it because they were after me or after that werewolf you were dating.

Shiarra: Ugh, don’t remind me.

Gideon: Woof.

Sara: Subject change. We don’t talk about him.

Gideon: I smell drama.

Arnold: I smell formaldehyde.

Shiarra: It was even worse when he had all those zombies around. Like he bathes in the stuff.

Sara: I know, right? Try sharing a room with him for a few weeks. I doubt my nose will ever be the same.

Arnold: Wait, what? You roomed with that monster?

Gideon: Hey! I resemble that remark.

Sara: I didn’t have much choice. Besides, it was either stay by his side or leave myself open to being munched on by one of Max or Fabian’s vampires.

Arnold: Someone get me my cell phone. I need to make a Facebook event and start inviting all my friends to gank the Master vamp of Los Angeles.

Royce: I’ll make a note for my social media coordinator to get in touch.

Shiarra: …you guys seriously use Facebook to set up groups to schedule attacks against Others you don’t like?

Arnold: Sure. Twitter, too. How do you think I got together the magi who came with me to Chicago?

Shiarra: I… well, I never thought about it. Now I don’t know if I should be relieved or worried.

Sara: Relieved. He’s on our side.

Gideon: Will you guys be my Facebook friends?

Sara: No.

Arnold: No.

Shiarra: Hell no.

Royce: You can “Like” my fan page.

Gideon: You all suck.

Royce: Perhaps, but I prefer my donors not to reek of dead flesh.

Gideon: That wasn’t an invitation.

Shiarra: Doesn’t matter. He’ll find a way to turn it into one.

Royce: I beg your pardon?

Shiarra: Don’t play Mr. Innocent Vampire over there. You keep using your fancy talk to get people to sign contracts and open up a vein for you.

Royce: Only when they catch my eye. A certain hunter comes to mind.

Shiarra: I am not a hunter. It was just that one time, damn it!

Arnold: One time? What about when you first met Royce? And then that time with Max’s vampires trying to take over New York? Then when you went on that rampage. And then the time—

Shiarra: Okay, okay! Fine! A retired hunter.

Sara: For now.

Royce: I doubt you will be able to hang up your guns just yet, Ms. Waynest. Even with my best efforts to keep you out of trouble, you always manage to find new and interesting ways of involving yourself in the affairs of Others.

Shiarra: Cripes. It never ends.

Gideon: Poor you. I’m playing you a sad song on the world’s tiniest violin.

Shiarra: I think I know who’s next on my list to hunt.


If you want to know more about her latest adventure, check out ENSLAVED BY THE OTHERS!

Learn more about Shiarra and her friends or visit me on the web:

Thanks again for having me, Sullivan and Voodoo Bride!



Enslaved by the Others Book Description:

Vampires, werewolves, magi and worse—the Others have joined the mortal world, and there's no turning back now…
As a New York P.I. and Other specialist, Shiarra Waynest has been in plenty of trouble before. But waking up in a windowless room the prisoner of a vampire slave trader is a shock for anyone. Shia has her wits, her bravado, and a couple of used staples, so maybe she can take on a mansion full of serious evil.
But although she's desperate to escape, Shia needs some answers too. Her friends are in danger. There are betrayers and spies among them. And even if she can figure out what's going on and somehow get a message out, she's still a captive of the worst kind…

Order Links:

Amazon / Amazon UK / Amazon Canada
Barnes & Noble
Book Depository


Don't forget to check out my giveaway here


Blodeuedd said...

Great post :D Fun!

miki said...

oh looks luike i will have some fun with new characters^^ ( and past ones are still interesting ^^ of course)